Reading The Red Tent on the train in the morning makes me crave "bread dipped in honey, sweetcakes, and beer" which is apparently all they ate back then.

I have a rehearsal and show tonight. When we're together, the group is really good, but our mass emails and subsequent replies seem really negative and curt. It leaves me with an overall ick. It'll be fine I'm sure*. It's our first show with our whole group, so there will be a great nervous energy. I'm wearing the brown pants that tend to fall down, so we're guaranteed at least one awkward laugh.

Since I have about a three hour window between when I leave work and when my flight leaves on friday I've decided to get the rest of the stuff for the gift basket at a gift store in the airport. Because I'm classy like that. (I talked about this two deleted posts ago.) I have to make a gift basket for my sister's wedding shower, my theme is "New York!", because I live in new york, exclamation point. I went to fish's eddy and spent $30 on two small items. I'm about a third done with my shopping for what's supposed to be a $15 door prize. ("Hey! Look! I'm doing really well since I moved!! Really!!! look at how much money I have!!") Seriously, though, it seems like the best place to go for that stuff, and it won't be too crowded. Now that I think about it, I don't think any of the ladies at the shower are going to be too terribly excited about a new york basket. I'd better put some food in there, just to cover my ass.


*most overused phrase on this blog.

I'm condensing all of my pathetic little posts from today into one. :)
It's just irrtating when I want to be specific about why I'm being pissy, and blogger chooses to delete it. Twice. It's ok. My ipod is broken, and I just downloaded 40 new songs. (i pay for all of my music, so it's extra sad.) I have no time in the day to get what I need done. Other than that I'm fine. There are worse things.
'Night!

(Apples in stereo fun trick noisemaker and architecture in helsinki fingers crossed, among others. all good.)

Imaginary Ordinary

"Due to a sick customer on this train, you know, that sick customer in the car you are currently sitting in right now. . . "
I had a few delays, hiccups if you will, on the way to the office this morning. I took the Q to 14th and transferred to the 4, and accidentally got off at city hall, and got lost, in the soaking rain. And I did spill coffee all over my desk and my already wet sleeve. And my boss is in. So, as days go, this one could be better. Getting mocked out for getting lost in the neighborhood where I've worked for almost a year isn't so great. Feeling about a mile wide isn't so good, but at least I didn't pass out on a train. You know what happens when you pass out on a subway train? Nothing. For a long time.

Wax Lion

Sigh.
So, there's that.

I had a bizarre coincidental run-in with a bunch of people I knew from buffalo a million years ago. Like, if we hadn't randomly taken the Q to 42nd and transfered, if we hadn't been on that specific car, we would have never seen them. It was awsome. We weren't super close back then, but it might be neat to hang out with them now, since they live a block away.

My broseph and his wifey are sleeping over. Tomorrow will bring friends and eggs. And bacon.

I'll be over here.

Totem Mole

There's a bunch of mail on my desk that I don't feel like going through. If I've already gone through it and taken out all of the stuff that actually belongs here (about 50%) the rest immediately becomes garbage. And who wants to sort and redistribute garbage? I don't.

I'm truly looking forward to having tomorrow off. Just, yeah. I filled it up with things I want to do, grand things like hitting the gym and then grocery shopping for the brunch I'm hosting on sunday. I'm betting I won't get to either of those things. I'm guessing I'll get around to internet and napping. The brunch will consist of what we've got around: carb-free soup and an industrial size bag of animal crackers. Someone will have the office dvds on them, and all will be well.

Safety Canary

Not a whole lot going on. I need to upload some new music to the 'pod.

I have more money right now than I normally do, which is odd and rare.

I'm reading The Red Tent and enjoying it immensely.

They actually are going to make a
30 days of night movie, which makes the gothy creep that lives inside me very happy.

I bought my ticket to Buffalo, so I'll be home to see yaz for a short weekend, 4/1-4/3.

And the "older brother" I was talking about a few entries ago was a reference to the guy on Wonderfalls. Sigh.

Crime Dog

I did that show yesterday. Yes, it was terrifying. Yes, it was like the first day of high school. And yes, my sketch was a cookie cutter office scene with a stupid boss, an angry bear, and Quint, the sharkhunter from Jaws. (my inspiration was the "pushup contest" scene. No one knew what to do with it.) None of that kept it from feeling painfully ordinary. There were elements that they asked me to include, and I was dutiful because I was a guest, and I had no idea what I was doing and just wrote in panic mode. It got laughs in the readthrough, but the audience didn't quite care for it. Not out loud anyway. I can do better.
More than anything it was just really emotionally taxing. I like a lot of feedback, I like to work with a scene partner or a group, and go over it a million times, and go back to the beginning to make everything all clear and crispy. And if it doesn't work, I like to throw it away and pretend it never existed. I'm more of a control freak than I let on, so this was a good exercise for me.
Also, I didn't eat very much for the day, so I was all jumpy and shakey, which looks as hilarious as it sounds.
The people were really nice. My harsh self-criticism aside, it was a good show. They asked me to come back next month, so I am going to do that.

Here's the info on the show I did:
http://www.saturdaynightrewritten.com/
Crazy.

(Oh, and I think your friend matt was there for the writing part, but I didn't get to talk to him.)

Girl needs a boy

The guy playing her older brother is really really really very preternaturally attractive. Just sayin'. Logged in to say it.

Lovesick Ass*

I can't really think in segments longer than a sentence at a time.

What is it about mean people that makes me wish they liked me? I hate that. I hate jerks.

I went out and had one with the girls after the show last night, and then ran home like a paranoid freak for no reason that was apparent to me. I don't dig crowds, I guess? I didn't feel like drinking last night, either. Also, I'm severely weird.

We had free pizza at the office and I ate it, so I'm yelling at myself now, which is hurty to my hearty.

I owe emails to people. Sorry.
My hair is unwashed and doing something weird.
My nephew's blood count is up and good and stuff. The little pook.

There's a dude around here whose "schtick" is sexual harrassment. No shit. He puposely says really inappropriate things to me and the other ladies. I never know how to react. So bizarre. It's harmless, i guess he's trying to be ironic, but the conversations are irritating. "Hey cutie, did my playboys come in?"
"No."
"Do you come here often?"
"Heh. Oh look, a plant. I'm going to busy with this for a year. I no longer speak english." It's funny, because another dude actually does get playboy sent here, but he never talks to me about it. And I respect that.

Oh, I was mistaken about REM. I really do like them. I think he must have been listening to monster or something, or I was just annoyed. I take back what I say. I like them. Mostly. I just can't stand songs that I've heard a babillion times.

(Even after it's babillionth appearance on my ipod, as of this morning Matthew Sweet's Girlfriend is still my favorite song.)

One of my friends is on her way to londun, engalund. To meet a boy. That she met on teh internerd. I hope it doesn't suck.

I haven't been on a date in nine years. So there that is. How are the kids doing it these days? On hoverboards and jet packs? Do they just take a steak pill, shake hands and go home to their government-assigned companions? What's this "assumed oral" I've heard so much about?

"Huh? Huh? HAAAH?" PUNCH.
"I beg your pardon?" "I'm sorry?" "Excuse me?" No punching. See how that works? Personal quirk of mine. Pee-esse: Don't intterupt me with "huh?", for yor own safety.

This is a long, point-filled entry.
This is an article about Lewis Black.
This is how I feel about lewis black:<33333333
This is something I learned today: tl;dr**

Ok.



*I'm going to use Wonderfalls episode titles for blog entry titles because they are cute, and because you should rent wonderfalls and enjoy it. Jess, I think you would like it. (I'm saving "Muffin Buffalo" for a special day.)
**too long; didn't read.

him: "If we shot you into space at the speed of light you would become pure energy."
me: "that would be cool."

I have a tendency to miss the point.

I can't get warm.
All I can think about is sleeping. When can I sleep, how long I can sleep for, what I need to get done before I can go to bed? It's the most boring obsession ever.

Oh my god. Teitur was awesome. He really looked delighted when the audience would applaud during a song, or when we obviously recognized a song. I have to say, I don't fall for musicians, but I could for this one. He played new stuff, which I actually enjoyed. ("this is a blusey number, it comes from listening to a lot of the DEE-peche mode.")
His version of Great Balls of Fire makes me want to bite something hard and dig my fingers into it. A good song should make you carniverous.
Most of the songs were played at about half speed, which was weird, but I still loved it. I was right in front too, because I am delirious fanchild and I see no value in acting too cool for school.

I got a new Space Mandino track. Niiiice.:)

People here drink the hazelnut coffee, and boy does it make me hungry for waffles. I avoid it because it's decaf ("decaf?? are they trying to kill us???") but I may have some, just to curb the urge I have to dive into a mile high stack of pancakes and never come out.

What else? Nothing.

I'm doing SNR this weekend. It's a live show on Sundays where they rewrite the snl from the night before and perform it in a day. The guy who runs it asked me after the Second City showcase if I would be interested, but I have JC rehearsals on Sundays, so I'm just ditching this week. I've never seen the show before, but they have a lot of good people working on it. He had mentioned he needed writers, which is what I thought he wanted me for, but he told me to come prepared to perform, so wow. It's going to be fun. I know a girl who's a regular cast member, so I'll have one friend to hang onto. God, why is it that everything I do feels like the first day of high school?

Speaking of which, I'm obsessed with the song "Supermodel" by Jill Sobule:

And I wrote my school report,
On why I love my jeans, why I love my jeans.
And oh, oh my lockerdoor it's the coolest thing
That you have ever seen.

Cause I'm young and I'm hip and so beautiful,
I'm gonna be a supermodel

I am.

birdhouse in your soul

Went to bed at 8 last night. I got under the covers because I was cold, and my roommate was watching an Elvis movie in the living room. (I just can't pretend to be interested in an Elvis movie.) I woke up around ten, shifted around into some pjs and fell back to sleep until 7 this morning. Sweet. I could totally do that again. and again and again. It's good for you!

I'm going to see teitur at the canal room tonight, if it's not sold out. It will be my third time seeing him. I will have offically seen him more than any other band I've ever liked.

I realized somrhting awful the other day. I am really sick of REM. Should I keep that to myself? Someone was listening to it in the office at the theater, and something about it made me angry. Maybe I was just in a mood.

Also, everyone in my apartment is going home for easter except me. I plan on singing into a trophy, eating cereal from the box, and falling asleep in front of whatever tv show I want. I'm a simple girl.

I went on a lovely date with my gay friend Vito. We saw the We, which I had already seen in the fall, and a ton of people I loved went too, and it was a big gay love fest of hugging and fun and laughing and kissing on the lips. My crush walked past me after the show, and I didn't even look up because a) why? and because b)guess what? So I'm proud of myself, or whatever.

I'm wasted, by the way. I'm drinking pepsi right now, which is like drinking a milkshake, which is like drinking heaven on ice. What's with me and the gallon of water a day? I need to reach out from time to time, and indulge in the caffinated, sugared arts. Why is there pepsi in my apartment? I'm wasted.

Oh my.

I'm going to North Carolina in April for the unc comedy festival with Chicken Ranch. That is scary and awesome. They're flying us down and putting us up at a hotel and everything. Lewis Black runs it, I guess? Or it was his idea? I don't know. We're performing and participating in a panel on Women in Comedy. I'm excited.

Awesomatic Garvey Questionnaire:

1. let’s say you have infinite funds to build your dream house. describe it.

In my dream house there would always be secret rooms that I didn't know about. Not in a spooky way, in a wonderful discovery way. (but also sometimes in a spooky way, a la the Winchester mansion.) There would be a hot tub. Not because I'm a swinger, but because hot tubs are awesome. There would be nice flooring. I'm a big fan of nice ceramic tiling and good hardwood floors. There would be a city on one side and a secluded beach on the other. Awesome kitchen. All french country/shabby chic. Full of family and friends. Lots of spare bedrooms for visitors. It would be on the canadian side of Lake Ontario, or in Conneticut.

2. one of your favorite bands has asked you to replace a member who is out finding God or in line to own a bank or something. which band is it, and what instrument would you play? (by the magic of the interview game, assume you’re already stellar at that instrument.)

Cato Salsa experience- drums. (or bass)
Modest mouse- acoustic guitar/backup vocals. (but Issac has to be there, he just has a temporary issue with his guitar playing hand. It wouldn't be worth it if Issac sat out.)

3. besides “500 miles” and “no mighty taco”, what’s the single biggest difference between living in buffalo and living in nyc?

The mass of humanity you're faced with every single day. In buffalo, you can kind of go almost a whole day without bumping into anyone you don't know, but here in order to leave the house you've got to bump up against a thousand other human beings, right in your face. You've got to learn how to both accept it and shut it out at the same time. Occasionally, if you're paying attention, you'll walk past SJP, or see that girl from joan of arcadia on the subway. Also: crazier crazies. (you said single, I gave three. sorry.)

4. tell me about the crunchy blog. why’d you start it? what’s with the brit motif?

I made some friends/found some people I admired on the kids in the hall newsgroup who had blogs, and I loved reading theirs. Also, it was fun to relate to these girls in a non kith way. 'Crunchy blog' came from "crunchy frog", which was a pretty dumb idea. I didn't put much thought into it because I didn't realize I was going to have this for four years. The theme on the page came from some ideas I gave sarah when I asked her to redesign for me. I just gave her a few words and let her do what she does so well. I think I said: b&w photography, london underground and sage green. "some fantastic" comes from a bnl song.


5. you already answered the customary 5th question, so here’s a slow pitch: if you had to change your name, what would you make it and why?

Sarah August. Or Agnes Beane. August, because that's when I was born and I'm proud of that for some reason. Agnes because she was the patron saint of virgins and because I love old fashioned names, like "Clara" and "Iris". Last names don't get much better than "Beane".

Why does p. diddy have an umbrella? Fer drizzle.

I stole this from Alex:

1. which cartoon character from our youth are you most similar to, and which would you prefer to be most like?
I always related to Chilly Willy.
I wanted to be Firestar, because she was hot and treated like an equal. I still want to be her. All of my heterosexual girlcrushes are on redheads.

2. let's say you write the next "great american novel". who would you most like to write glowing reviews for the dust jacket?
I really don't know how to answer this question without being glib, so I'll say the delivery guy from circa, who answers "yes" to every question and statement. Like "Who is this order for?", "What's the total?" and "You're in the wrong building."
What did you think of this book?
"Yes."

3. what's your favorite curse word? (okay, that is a james lipton one, but it's still a good question.)

I like douche and all of it's variants. Also: Fucknutty.

4. a genie appears but can only grant three food wishes. what are your perfect breakfast, lunch, and dinner menus?

Breakfast: pancakes, bacon and jalapeno cheese eggwhite omllette, starbucks coffee. Strawberries.

Lunch: sesame tuna steak, well done, salad with miso, bread, unsweetened iced tea

Dinner: bacon and cheddar soup with a jalapeno biscuit, filet mingnon with brie and bacon, whipped potatoes, guinness

I actually had that dinner once. It was worth wishing for again.

5. what is one thing about you that you have never admitted on crunch?

After four years, very very little.

Squicky
1. There is some fucked up shit on the internerd. Also, I'm pretty fricking insensitive.

2. There has been a slowly diminishing 1 pound pile of kraft caramels splayed out in the inbox behind me since last monday. I have eaten a total of: 0. I am a good little monkey. (My sister's wedding is in June and i have to look slightly less embarassing than I do now, what with the everlasting memories and the photos and the sleeveless dress and the hoyhoy.

I walked past Sarah Jessica Parker on Saturday. She was holding her baby's hand (she has a baby that's old enough to walk, right?) and a huge purple coat on. She was smiling and the people she just passed were freaking out. It was neat. Also, I somehow managed to be forwarded an email with the aol address of a current snl cast member. It's just a weird thing to see. That's my fame-tastic roundup! Celebri-licious! Buzz revealed!

!!!!
That's crazytown.

I like this guy, too:
"There were many other problems as well."

YAY.
If you don't feel like clickety linky, we're taking oddbody to the festival!


In Providence, Rhode Island. Ok, well, it's not Chicago, but we're featured and it will be fun as hell and that's all I care about. I've never been to Rhode Island. We're supposed to take chicken ranch to North Carolina in June, but for some reason when you get five performers together, decisions become impossible.

Oh, and the bangs? Not too bad. They aren't emo anymore, but I got them out of my eyes at least.

Why am I suddenly in a great mood? Awesomatic.

You know how you know better, but you just do it anyway? Yeah. Like eating the wicked stale doughnut, or cutting your bangs while you're drunk.
I bought new scissors and everything. This is going to rule.

Coaching a team is fun. I was worried I wasn't going to have anything to say. I did. I gave them a half hour of notes after a half hour set. Is that normal? I repeated myslef alot, though. "How do you feel? How do you feel about other? How do you feel about your environment?" Gayballs. It's all valid. They might hate me, I don't care. I'm a sub.

I'm coming home in april for my sister's shower. Get readah, cuz heah I come!

this too.

Um.

"Tina, you fat lard, come get some dinner!"

Tonight I'm coaching my brother's team because he's going out of town. It's my first time coaching. Yipe. I hope it's fun. I hope I do ok. The crazy thing is, they give you money for that.

I am really not liking this book I'm reading. I'm halfway through it, and I'd hate to give up, but damn. It sucks. It started out well enough, I guess. I don't know. He just stops to analyze the shit out of everything. He says everything flat out. "Without the help of my friends I would still be on the streets. What a wretched place for a child of thirteen. It's hard to keep your innocence. People just don't value children as they should." Which is fine, I guess. Except that that's the whole thing, is a little bit of action and then a bunch of clunky editorializing. No mystery, no leap taking. Grr. That kind of writing makes me fall asleep. Show me, don't tell me.

I don't have much at all to report except that I slept well last night. I couldn't keep my eyes open during my favorite show, which airs at 8 o'clock. I went to bed soon after. It was great. I don't know how that happened, but if I could, I'd do that every single day.