my page is supposed to be spooky orange and black. alas, i don't know anything about html.

halloween isn't really my favorite holiday. i don't actually even celebrate it. i don't do costumes and i can't give out candy because we live on the second floor. i just love spooky ghosts.
we saw 13 ghosts on sunday and to use todd's mother's phrasing, we were "screaming in our pants". it was bad, but i liked it. gyad. movies suck.

ghosts are real.

i spent last night alone in the house watching shows about hauntings and people gettin it on with ghosts. ghost shows are my favourite, especially ones that have actual video. (of course if i see one more "orb" i'm going to stop believing in ghosts altogether. how would you like that, spirit world???) evp is thebest if you can get your hands on some good stuff. . . so very spooky.

pretty creepy. still i'd rather have this guy chasing me than the wolfman.

oh hey, hi. um . . . . .


BOO!

good morning . . .
Kegelize the prince of darkness into submission!

thanks a lot. . .

and i'm pretty sure i'm going to want the diving nun.

my blogtwin is a gay guy from st. louis.

i got a haircut, saw k-pax, had dinner and saw corky romano. it took about 8 hours and cost approximately $160. fuckin right!
k-pax was tolerable and corky wasn't.

i want kevin spacey to have my babies.

one of my posts from thursday disappeared. it was short and stupid, but it was mine. . .

i have to stop blogging while drunk.

i'm sorry, but the french won't own shit until they can get their pages to load in a respectable amount of time. ;)
i mean--she's wicked cute.

i mean,um, er . . . . .nuthin'. shut up.

the laughter that comes with the shock of recognition also rings with faint notes of "Wish we were there."
that is pathetic.
were you even there, you embitttered moron?

i wore a coat today, so that's good.

i'm going to fishman's house tonight to watch the sabres game. see, fishman is going to be "Dr. Fishman" in about five months, and when you're friends with a guy in med school and he wants you to do something social with him, you have to do it, because you may not see him for seven months.

um, and we just call him fishman, his name would actually be Dr. Lang.
i don't know why we call him that.
nicknames are funny, i wish i had one.

if you can make up a good nickname for me, and make it stick, i'll give you a shiny american quarter. and make you famous.

i might feel lonely and weird and
definitely sad there at first. i feel strangely
homeless and without direction sara. had an intense
experience at the physical therapist's- so much so i
am getting a massage tomorow to exorcise my physical
demons- seems i am holding my loss of katherine in
the cage of bone around my heart- they are stiff with
memory- more on that later- thank you for the book.
you are so kind and generous- you must tell me what
you like to collect besides funny friends and hallways
of canadian comics..... i miss you everyday,

i miss you too. why can't you spell my name right?
i want to say something profound here, about distorted veiws, about people who by all rights if they could leave their bodies and be someone else for a day, would spend that day in love with themselves. and yet they still waste their time on self hatred. waste their time and their love on people who are idiotic assholes who treat them like shit. i can't think of a profound way to say it without sounding too "up with people". i'm heartsick and frustrated by it.

the book was an adult themed address book called "lesbian pulp".

ok, the baby talk has got to stop. i know, intellectually, that talking like a baby is just really sad and stupid sounding, but it's so so cute.

kill me.

in the middle of the night, i apparently rolled my face over my thumb and in a disturbing act of self abuse, gouged a hunk of skin off of my chin. i actually woke up and wondered what the soft mass of grossness was that was caught under my thumbnail. gnarly. it looks cute now, though. i'm not being sarcastic.

so, we're having a huge rainy cold windstorm, which is causing a tornado outside the door to my office. i forgot to wear a jacket. i'm horribly uninformed about the weather. yesterday it was seventy and i wore my full length sweater all day. i'm going to turn into the old lady who calls the station and yells at them for not making the weather reports easier to understand. "what do i need? a sweater or a raincoat? just tell me! i'm bad with numbers, i don't know what 53 means. just 'gloves' or 'no gloves', ok? keep it simple."

i went intothe little place where i eat 10 meals a week and instead of toasting my bagel like a normal human being would, the girl put the the whole bagel in the toaster oven and just toasted the top of the thing. weirdo. i'm going there now for my lunch, because the food is guuhd.

"once i went to court because i was suing my freind JeoBob. He is being sued for being an idiot. Judge Judy kept calling me applesauce. She would say "Im the boss applesauce". She kept saying. And i would tell to shut up and she would through glass objects at me."

rock.

ok, i'm done freaking out. i know, i know, you're saying, "but self-pity is so sexxxxxy . . ."

is anything going to change?

no.

so i kind of flipped out on him. it's not entirely my fault, and it seemed a lot harsher because it was on msn messenger and not in person.
he wants to buy a $400 cel from a cartoon. for the past two months he has been wearing me down to buy $1200 speakers. oh, and samurai swords. and a godamned motorcycle. now, he's not rich, but this is his money and he can do what he likes with it. i don't even get why he asks me for my permission. keep in mind we've been together for six years, lived together for almost a year now. but that's it. it's not my money, i don't have any say.
and yet nary a definitive word on "the next step". i don't know. i act like i don't care, but then he sends me links to things he'd rather spend his money on than me. i don't even care about money, it's just he wants to buy useless crap for god's sake! 'so go, buy it', i say. what does he want me to do? and i tell him how i feel and it's like i'm forcing his hand. i don't even care.
i'm perpetually part-time-temporary. just like work. my boss "likes the way things are working out". because it's all in his favor. i'm here indefinitely, whatever hours they want, and i get no benefits. who would want me permanently anyway? why invest anything in me? i'll be here, whenever, whatever. well, i guess that part is my fault. it's all my fault. the shit i allow in my life is all me making stupid descisions, putting my faith in people that what i invest in them, time and trust and dedication, will come back to me. i'm so naive.

fuckin samaurai jack. fuck work. fuck him.

so, did i mention i took a practice lsat? well, i did. and i did well enough. well enough to consider law school once i learned latin and greek (which i wanted to teach myself anyway). i figured if i did average or poorer i could cross it off the list. so that's on the table now. on the table of negotiations with myself in "self v. self- what to do with serra's future".
so i'm all set to begin the process of entering law school. all right, it's settled! it feels so good to have such a secure future.
and then this dude emails me about a meeting regarding casting me in a show he also wants me to help write.
a. . .tv show.
"objection, you honor!!! this is an outrage!!!!"
whatever. i don't even get excited about this shit anymore. i've been "onboard" for so many projects that self destructed, i now just go to the preliminary meetings for the free pizza/big sandwich tray.
they have pretty decent equipment, and they seem to know what they're doing, but i reshot one of our old sketches for them for their marketing. . .reel . . . thingy i dunno, and they sucked the life out of the thing. he actually told me to 'be less funny'. and i'm not that funny. (funny lookin', maybe!! huhuh. . mkay)
i think maybe you can kind of barely see me in their flash opening, but barely. (and for the record: i'm not a cow, a puppet or a house)

listen, i AM a geek, i just spent ten minutes at cspan.org trying to decide if it's too late to download today's white house press briefing.

okey dokey . . . . .

oh yeah, and my brother jay has dissed me to take a date to sloan in november. i don't care so much about the show, i kind of wanted to do a thing with him. we never connected growing up, unless it was my chin to the toe of his sneaker.
"sorry, but i'll see you there!"
no you won't, jackhole.

I AM 31% GEEK.

I probably work in computers, or a history
deptartment at a college. I never really
fit in with the "normal" crowd. But I have
friends, and this is a good thing.

Take the GEEK Test at Fuali.com!

. . . but . . . . . .i . . . .. . .?

my mouse is acting stupid and i have the nutcracker suite stuck in my head.

tonight i am making chilli, and alex and jess are coming over to watch the phantom menace DVD with the commentary on. there's so much damn doc footage we had to split it up over two nights.

now i have "let's go on with the show" stuck in a constant loop.

oh my god, i have nothing useful to say.
"i just wanna get outta here . . . ."

i am thisclose to having health insurance. i have fantasies about going to the doctor when i'm sick and not having to borrow money from my sister. i mean, it's fun calling the nurses in the family for advice whenever something bursts instead of going to the emergency room (see: july 11th 2001), but a warm washcloth is never as good as a pill and a lolly.

i love that steve has introduced me to a whole new world of boy blogs.

my body is a wonderful, mystical and itchy place full of suprises, corn chowder and swollen red patches.
s-e-x-e.
i have to take antihistamines at night, not so much to stop the itch, but more so that i'll sleep through it.
if i knew what i was allergic to, it'd find it and punch it in the nuts.

my coffee today is musky. my beer last night was salty.

i've sent it to the chicks in my family, now i will send it to my cyberchicks:
"i am looking into participating in a fundraising event called the Avon 3day walk for breast cancer in either Washington D.C. in May or in New York next October.
It's basically what it says, a three day walk from one part of the city to another, tents and hot meals are provided.

i realize you might not be into it (especially the "tent" part) but if you are, e-me back and we can talk! also, pass this along to any ladies (or gents) in the fam who might be interested in participating.

$75 registration
60 miles. (nothin')

check out the website
love you all dearly"

it looks like it might be me and my sisters, which would be awesome. e*me if you want to go. well, e me if you want to go with me, just register if you want to go. i'm not in charge of anything. ;]

wasn't i talking about this a few months back, about walking across the state for charity? (answer: yes.)

"uh,security. . .mr. gere is going to need an escort to his car. . . . ."

the concert for ny: your favorite stars in 'a night of awkward fumbling'.
i am jealous.

todd and i are watching the concert on vh1, and when john mellencamp came on we both jumped up simultaneously and ran from the room.
what's jimmy fallon doing?
michael j fox looks really, really good.
howard stern is an unentertaining prick. being a negative insensitive asshole is an art. and he's got no respect.

i went to dinner tonight with my friend taunee and a bunch of her friends, most of whom i have never met. taunee and her girlfriend were late so i had to hang out and mingle with strangers, which i am extremely bad at. i ended up having fun though. i spent $35 on a cup of soup and a salad, but it was really good soup. plus, the salad had a portabello mushroom in it which made it heartier, a bargin at twice the price. bargin? bargan? bargen? no, i was right. no, bargain. there she goes.

(o. . . .k.)

overall this was a good weekend. busy, which i like.
i got up this morning and watched "the philadelphia story" and that was quite good. we're going to watch "north by northwest" tomorrow, so it has been dubbed 'a very cary (grant) weekend' at chez benzak (the house that improv built).

it's never enough, i tell ya. ;)

i love mark so much.
i did write a tome, spoilers and all, for the newsgroup, and i tried to watch the special concert thing at the same time (osama can kiss my royal irish ass, also), and i got "timed out". so i am rethinking things i said, and hoping to "depissify" enough to go back and repost. oh well.
i will say this: mark is amazing, and he's been working out. he looks like he's about 22. i will also say: kitana is amazing, she gets prettier everytime i see her and she has got to be cool to put up with my . . . .let's call them "off beat" friends. it was a truly fantastic evening. i can't say enough about mark, he did the whole show, with such concentration, i honestly forgot i was only watching one person. i didn't have a moment where i thought, "that's my mark up there. my kids-in-the-hall mark." he didn't let me. it was a good feeling. it was a whirlwind.
ok. i got it all out. i don't need to post on the newsgroup now. :P

the last thing i read was 'the trial and death of socrates' this weekend because i'm going through a very lisa miller-esque, "my IQ is dropping" phase. i've been reading white house press briefings like they're candy and i'm starting to develop a crush on our white house press secretary. back me up on this: add a little hair on top, make him a little more liberal . . . . he's sexy. come on. come on, seriously. even without the hair.

this is my thing lately.
defending my love of ari fleischer and listening to bjork.

i'm going to see markus tomorrow, in his beautiful show. am i the first one? i think i am. well, we'll all just have to wait and see what kit has to say because she is far more eloquent with these things than i am. and i get to hang out with her in person, too. this is already so fantastic. i'm jealous of me.

ok, the star wars dvd is really, really good. it doesn't matter if you hated jar jar or whatever, i did too.
it's so very good.

1. jake lloyd playing in the sand
2. who the bloody hell gives ray park a black eye?
3. ewan mcgregor
4. acting 130 degree weather
5. "this is fucking grim."

we haven't even watched the movie yet.

not for nothing, that picture of dave is fuckin hot.

as fucking hell.

today i am

all

sex.

correction: when i say i sent in the urban legend, i did not "create" the legend, someone sent it to me and i forwarded it to the good people at snopes.

". . .just to get me alone so he can put his testicles all over me-"
"whoa, whoa, what was that?"
"testicles . . .octopus?
"tenticles! n-t. big difference."

ok, so we just came back from alex and jess's apartment. we played trivial pursuit and ate bad pizza and had fun. alex is doing ok, considering he still can't see. apparently, a paper cut on your cornea is kind of serious.

i have to change the font again, it's not accepting my perfectly acceptible spaces between sentences.

douglas brown?
that, my friends in a new one.
he's just so awesome.

Claim: Thirty Ryder, Verizon, and U-Haul trucks have been stolen recently, presumably by terrorists who will use them in the ongoing attack on America.
Status: False.

I sent that in!!!!!!!
i am so famous.

how many times does the mayor have to hold a press conference to tell us not to move it around?

oh, so i guess he's ok. todd won't say anything but that. weirdo.

# 1 Lisa Miller
# 2 Dave Nelson
# 3 Joe Garelli
# 4 Bill McNeil
this test is awesome.

# 9 Beth
of course, these things aren't always accurate . . . . . .;)

not only are you max louis, you're also the iron giant? you big old heart-with-legs . . . . .;)

todd had to take alex to the hospital this morning. his eyes have swollen shut, which i think is probably more of an allergic reaction than anything else, but . . . .shit.
i can't get that worst case scenario out of my head. of course, no one said anything about what happens when you get it in your eyes. he's fine. i'm stupid. i should have gone with him. i didn't go because i thought he'd be embarrased. i wanted to go, but people deserve their dignity. but they also need their friends. i should have gone. shit.

we went out last night because i was craving red wine and cigarettes, and later, midouri sours. i saw peter there for the first time since our big falling out. (we made up through emails but it makes the biggest difference to see him face to face) it was his birthday last night, and we hung out for hours and laughed like old friends, which we are. it was weird and different. and i realized pretty quickly that he went to a bar on his birthday alone, and nobody showed up to meet him either.

it hit me on the way home i hadn't eaten all day, so we stopped at sunoco . i got frozen pizza, bread and peanut butter for the house, and a cheap flag lapel pin for alex, because he'd been looking for one. he left his hat at our apartment when he and jess came over to watch spy kids (which was awesome) so i gave them both to todd to give to him. he's been gone for 2 hours and he hasn't called in. i didn't give him quarters of course. it's not a big deal, really. i mean, you hear "hospital" and you think it's serious, but he just needs soe antihistamine. what's my deal?

people are yelling outside at the fire station, but they're all pure blood polish second generation american , so they're either just about to kill each other or just joking around. you can never tell. even when you're in the middle of it. seriously.

i was just classifying my type last night.
he is the ::drum roll::
masculine-self-confident-intellectual.
he's got to be smart and a little full of himself, and damned funny.
what does your little book say about that?

i feels kinda lost. kinda disconnected. kinda needy.
kinda like september 12th.

he's in the other room watching the red green show. some canadians aren't super funny. they're all funny, but only some of them are super funny.
my stomach doesn't quite work right lately.


i've been getting all these anti-bush, anti-american government emails from my girlfriend taunee. she's an activist and a soldier for human rights, and her heart is in the right place, but i don't think doing that kind of stuff is going to make anybody happy. for the first time in my life, i actually feel like a non-liberal. like, we haven't done anything wrong. we didn't start this, sure we're dropping bombs but we're helping with the other hand. i don't know what she wants. i love her, but it's enough already.

an excerpt from the white house press briefing, 9/21:
Q Given the fact that during Desert Storm, 100 percent of our female POWs, two of them, were both raped, the Commander-in-Chief does not intend to send any women into what appears to be coming combat, does he, Ari?

MR. FLEISCHER: Les, the President has the highest regard for the military, believes it is fully prepared for this mission. And the military, as currently constituted, is the best in the world. And the President supports their structure.

Q But there are no females in those special forces --

MR. FLEISCHER: I stand by what I said --

Q He won't send women into this, will he, Ari?

MR. FLEISCHER: I stand by what I said about the President knows that we have the best military in the world.

this stays with me, for some reason.

oh my god, i want to hug you so bad.

so i was at work yesterday and i opened a letter.

i think you know where this is going. let's just say it was handwritten, poorly, on cheap paper and signed . . .well, you can guess the name they used to sign it.
now, i didn't get hysterical, in fact, it sounded like one of my bosses friends or collegues just sent him a little joke. i put it in his in box (along with mail from august that he still hasn't looked at) and kind of forgot about it. it was in poor taste and unfunny, sure. yesterday, it was a joke.
today, it's something else.
i called the office as soon as i heard about the case in ny and told them not to touch anything in his inbox until i got in. i didn't panic, but i believe in erring on the side of caution. fine.
i arrived at my usual time, 2 pm. chatted with the other girl, and then casually mentioned if they saw anything odd in his inbox. she said no. my boss said he didn't see anything and he didn't take anything out of there. but it wasn't there. i went through all of his crap and it wasn't where i put it yesterday. was there a rational explanation? i'm sure, but no one was very forthcoming and i was getting very forth-pissed off.
i pushed the issue, sat the office manager and the boss down and just casually explained that whether it was a real case or not, i wanted to know who it was from. i wanted to look at it and i wanted a clear explanation. "oh, oh yes . . . .it's coming to me now, yes, that was from a friend of mine and i threw it away. no need to panic."
here i am, hysterical girl. "there goes the crazy dumb girl, jumping at her own shadow"! i know i'm not going to get sick, i know we're not a target. but guess what, sending somebody shit like that is like yelling fire in a movie theater. it's worse, in fact, during wartime. the first amendment doesn't cover that, i checked.
and guess who does get sick? not the guy tooling around town in his lexus suv, saying "pish posh silly girl, pish posh". it's me. it's the ones who take the bus in, the ones without health insurance. the ones who open the mail for the ceo, the ones who taste the food for the king.
i know i'm not going to get sick, i have no illusions about that possibilty. that's not what i'm angry about. the least he could have done was tell me the truth. i may not be well-paid, but i'm not a child.

i dreamt last night that a ghost put temporary tatoos on my legs while i slept.
all that spooky licking and pressing.

=========================

Question:
How many Usenet subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer:
1,331

1 to change the light bulb and to post to the group that the light bulb has
been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light
bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

53 to flame the spell checkers.

156 to write to the administraton complaining about the light bulb
discussion and its inappropriateness to this newsgroup.

41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.

109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this
email exchange to alt.lite.bulb.

203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and
alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.

111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs
and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this newsgroup.

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy
the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this
technique, and what brands are faulty.

27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected
URLs.

3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this
list which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers
and footers, and then add "Me Too."

12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot
handle the light bulb controversy.

19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.

1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.

47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it
here.

143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

called in sick today. i had a migrane that made me vomit, even though my stomach was empty. i watched msnbc all damn day. took a nap and dreamt about ari fleischer and dana lewis. totally creeped out.

sweet as hell.

i am not familiar with john cameron mitchell, i'm awfully sorry, (i will become familiar, i promise) but this is the coolest fuckin thing.

no more ER, ever again. too damn much heartache where my heart used to be.

my legs are messed up and i can't* figure out why.
nothing good, nothing fun. nothing remarkable to mention.


*[dontwantto]

i'm not sure what to post about.
saturday i went to "drag-on" with cara and taunee which was a horrible hassle. of course, everything i do with cara becomes a spectacle. she had her hair put up in a huge behive and wore a long polyester gown from 1972. she looked awesome and amazing and she wasn't even part of the show. i won't get into the seating hasle, but suffice it to say, the director of hag theatre came out, put the lights up and yelled at us all before the show because there was a mixup with the seats. it was terrible ettiquite. i've never been to a drag show where the girls are in drag, so it was educational. they did women all glammed out and then in suits. it was cool. i love women in suits. that was my favorite part of the show. i'm not a lesbian, but i think i'm around them enough to have a type, and i love me some trannie. yes i do. it's go-team all the way.