it ain't pretty

I want to go to bed. I am all greasy.
They have the heat on in here.
My hands smell like mighty taco.
Stink.

I saw Phone Booth last night. Eesh. It was a dollar, I can't complain.

My friend came over to my house after and taught me how to read music. It was kind of embarassing, but kind of cool, because I picked it up pretty quickly. Soon I'll be able to play "Old Macdonald" AND "On Top of Old Smokey" on the irish whistle. Sweet like sugar.

How do you tell a guy "your office smells like puppy" without offending him? It's not a bad smell. It's just that it smells exactly like a puppy.

I got a new desk, and I can't describe to you how nice it is. What I can say that I am going to have to buy a whole new wardrobe. There's no way around it, the desk is just that nice.

Hey!
If you saw a production of Fuddy Meers, how was the play itself? funny?
Rather, brass tacks: would *I* be good in it?
I ordered a copy of it, so I'll know myself in three to eight days. I've been buying plays every other day and they are all busts.

Also, a friend of mine is doing Fully Committed at a theatre around here next season. Another shining example of life imitating Mark.

Monkey hate work.

I also saw Adaptation on Sunday, and everybody who told me it "falls apart in the third act" is an idiot. Yeah, I'll say that. Here. Not, you know, out loud. It was really good. and the more I thought about it the better it got.

This is a conversation that actually took place, paraphrased:
girl: I don't know why you don't just carry me into bed from the couch whenever I fall asleep there.
boy: Because you're an adult human being who can do things like getting up and going eight feet into the bedroom on your own.
girl: You're just lazy.

It would have been a lot funnier if she hadn't meant it.

We have so much in common. Let's you and me buy some matching jumpsuits. I'm serious.

I saw Bruce Almighty last night. You know what? Funny. Accesibly funny.
Yay Buffalo.

"It's fine that you're not married and having babies yet, sarah. There's nothing wrong with you. Please, just don't ever think that there's anything horribly, terribly wrong with you. We love you anyway."

My cousin's wife is pregnant again. Number six, I think. I'm thinking of showing up drunk to the next family event so we can all play Irish Catholic Stereotype.

I saw Old School at the 2 dollars place last night. It was not the worst movie I have ever seen. Will Ferrell is highlarious. Vince Vaughn is a fine specimen of a man.

My favorite part of this job (other than stuffing envelopes) is calling people to set up interviews for positions here. Whee! I don't like the scheduling part, but people are just so damn happy to hear from me they'll do what ever I say. I accidentally scheduled two people on Memorial Day and neither of them said anything. Just, "Monday? Sure, ok." Poor kids. It's ok, I fixed it.

I've said "Jiminey jillickers" so many times the words have lost all meaning!

I wasn't looking forward to the company retreat until they said the magic words, "Horseback riding".

It was quite a party last night. I had quite a little happy time. This party had everything: rowdy beerspilling, yelling, funness. Margarita-enhanced human drama. Cleveage. Songs.
(my acting teacher with her hands up in front of my boobs: "just walk into my hands, just once. . .") She won an award, so did her hubby. My parents came and sat with my godfather (who was nominated for costumes) and they had a nice time too. Nice nice.
What a fun, weird subculture. We're actors, but all poorly paid and unbelieveably passionate. I wish people saw this side of it, the side where you work full time and do this time consuming energy draining thing for fun. I know I'm getting too self-aggrandizing when I wish someone would make a documentary about some aspect of my life. That's got to be a condition that I have. Documentapathy.

I'm a Leo. Deal.

My body hates me, with good reason.

I saw a guy last night that I haven't seen in a while and he held on to me like I had just come back from the brink of death. He's a honey.

I had another audition today. It will be essentially the last until next year's shakespeare festival. That is what we call "stupid".

Their company doesn't have anything that would fit me next season, but I don't care. I walked in not caring. Wearing my best outfit and a smile, but still not caring.
They laughed through the whole thing. That was cool, I guess. Except I can come away from that kind of experience saying to myself "the one in the middle didn't laugh as much as the other two. The other two were just being nice. I am an idiot. I can't make small talk to save my life."
Why did I pick this? I am so not this.

(Does anybody want to read my script and tell me how to make it not end so abruptly? Preferably if you can support final draft? sixteen pages! easy peasy!)

I love my friends.

Three mix cds in the mailbox today. A green one, a purple one and a pink one. All gorgeous stuff that I've never heard before. I love new music so much.
It kind of feels like being in someone's apartment for the first time and looking at all his stuff. The right person, at the right apartment, you could spend an hour just walking through looking at pictures and little items on display saying, "What's this? Where'd ya get that?"
Because they're all new stories.
Do I make sense?
Because Heart Cooks Brain, is what I mean.

Appropos of nothing, who the hell do i think I am?

Where is my Mind?

You're smart, shy, and often nonsensical. You have dreams of being famous, and you're quirky enough that you just might pull them off. Some would call you a genius, others would call you insane, but in reality you're pretty well-adjusted. Take a vacation once in a while- it'll help take your mind off of your troubles.

Which Pixies song are you?

They found that people who have mild celebrity worship are more outgoing, happy and optimistic.

Define 'mild'.

um.
Weren't the towers nicknamed "David" and "Nelson" or something? Am I crazy?
Yes? Ok.

Instead of working my monologue for the audition on saturday I took a two hour walk. The backs of my legs feel like they're made of rock.
Instead of cleaning up my screenplay entry for the competition I wrote a monologue about fandom. Originally it was going to be just an essay or something, but I realized that when I write something I read it out loud to nobody and then act it out. I think I pretty much need to live alone.

Hello, not sure where you are but I'm in Scotland!
Show off.
:)

The thing is, every British person I've ever known has been severely screwed up in the head, but every Scottish person I've ever known (one, name of Elaine) is completely awesome. (Aw. Lainie. "Oh, Sarrrah, you've got a get ok compu-tair.") So that doesn't really suggest anything, only that more study is required.

Yeah. . . wait, what?

12 hours later and I am still bored. Eff you, Wachowski.

I saw a late show of The Matrix:Reloaded last night. I hate to ruin it for anyone, but it was without hesitation the absolute worst movie I have ever sat through in a theater. I'm not saying "didn't live up to the original". I mean really, laughably bad. Not even in a movie snob way, because everyone in the theater got up and huffed out. We were up until 3am talking about how much it pissed us off. I can't even explain how bad it was, you have to see it for yourself.
And hey, I've just lowered your expectations, so who knows? Maybe you'll have a good time.

Ok, good things to balance my pissiness:
There are good things happening for a friend of mine, which thrills me because I love her dearly and she has worked so hard for this. I can't say what yet but if things work out it will be huge.
I got new sneakers AND my divine comedy cd back.
I found a website that has an mp3 of billy boyd playing guitar for ten seconds. Doesn't sound like anything to you, but go and listen. He's good. It made my heart jump out of my body and do a little dance. Gross.

I'm reading this while sitting at my desk (at an architectural firm) welling up from loving it and relating to it.
And it has Scotland, I mean, god.
:)

I have chosen my path in life:
1. Get my bod up to face-kicking condition.
2. Learn Kung Fu.
3. Get cast in the ensemble of a well-crafted but doomed hour-long sci-fi series that airs on tnt or the scifi channel at 11 on friday nights for two seasons and that shoots in Vancouver.
4. Spend the rest of my life going to conventions all over the world and getting my picture taken with fans.

Sweet deal, no? Ok, sitting at an autograph table for eight hours probably sucks, but so does what I'm doing right now. And I'm not allowed to wear black pleather belted outfits and face-kick killer androids.

I've just been informed by my office manager that I'm getting a new flat sceen monitor. A flat screen that will help me answer phones and fix the copiers better. Hopefully they are beginning to realize that a web-surfing sarah is a happy sarah.
:)

1. My laugh is so loud that it is never appropriate under any circumstance.

2. from goose.
Bad habits you have:
I don't put away my clothes, ever
I wear the same outfits over and over
I can lose my patience pretty easily
I don't keep in touch, no matter how many times people tell me to

Things you wished you had:
New sneakers
Any new cd to listen to.
The Two Towers EE DVD
glasses

Things you never wear:
tank tops
skirts
Does hairspray count?

Things done today:
Watched 3 minutes of the Today Show before I got bored
played on internet
mail
receptiony stuff

Things you last bought:
a funny tee shirt
carrot juice
Marco Polo Sings a Solo by John Guare
a salad and deceptively fattening trailmix

People/things you'd like to spend more time with:
my family
my friends
my cd player
the gym (yeah, I hate me too)


Bands. Groups. Artists most people don't know you like:
john ritter
the monkees
the dixie chicks
j-lo

Regular drinks:
coffee with cream
amber bock
lipton unsweetened no lemon
lipton green tea/honey

Things on your mind:
I'm itchy
I wish I had my divine comedy cd back
I wish I wasn't here
I wish I could hang out with goose
the ictc auditions are a month early this year and I won't be ready

top five bands of the moment...
the divine comedy
Sigur Ros
the real mackenzies
Travis
ani difranco

last library book checked out: Plays of the 70s
last movie seen: in the theater- X2, on dvd-The Matrix
last cuss word uttered: shitty.
last beverage drank: green tea
last food consumed: trailmix
last crush: pippin, because I have the heart of a 12-year-old
last phone call: To the bf
last tv show watched: say I do a canadian documentary about mailorder brides
last time showered: this morning, surprisingly
last shoes worn: mary janes
last cd played: The real mackenzies, loch'ed and loaded
last downloaded: the united states of whatever
last thing written: two pages of a screenplay. the abrupt and roughly hewn end to be exact.
last sleep: 1am to 6:30am
last shirt worn: guiness toast tee shirt
last poster looked at: advertisement for a play, Marty
last show attended: ani difranco in syracuse

Mmm. Gandalf.

You're adorable. Thank you and thanks Amanda for coming to see me. You have no idea how much it meant to me.
:)

The city's on a tornado watch. I'm on "soup watch". Mmm dumplings.

Mm, can't help you there.
Anybody else?

Ok, I feel better. Partially because I got some lunch, and also because I was welcome to leftover sushi. heehee.

I watched the tape of the show I did in January. I just fast forwarded through my dramatic stuff. It was just too hard to watch. (yeah I'm that good. no.) My voice was so weak and annoying. I always thought "Well, at least I have a big, rich, powerful voice." I don't.
I watched the comedy piece I wrote and I now understand why people always tell me I need to slow down. If I did it now I think I could get more laughs out of it if I simply took my time and enjoyed it more.
Also, I am the exact size and shape of a house, I have flat hair and a tiny round head with a pointy nose. Pasty as well, but who's counting?
It was good for me to watch. I know what works and what doesn't, and what I need to work on. I am also aware that I look better now than I did in January, by least a little, and I'm smarter, taller, faster, and a better dresser! no.

Maybe it's petty, but I get a little bothered when they interrupt their (I did time it) 45 minute discussion on whether or not they like sushi and why to criticize me for not getting a local newspaper from one person' desk to another in a timely fashion.
"Excuse me, but could you just bring it straight to me from now on?"

ok. settle down everybody. I gotta take my pamprin and my tea and get some perspective.

This shirt is going to look so good on me.
On second thought: I look real bad in orange. Too late. Already bought it.

Last night I dreamt Tina Turner came backstage during my play and fed me a small piece of her husband's birthday cake. She asked me how it was and I considered saying it was "simply the best", but thought better of it and said nothing. I also dreamt the cake was made with a lot of coffee liquer. I never realized I could taste in my dreams.

They're announcing the nominees for the artvoice awards tonight. I'm not going to go as it's my only night this week where I can go straight home. I am so going to the ceremony, though. The arties puts the "drunk" in "fundraiser". I'm sure the last show I was in is going to get nominated for best new play, but by default, because so few new plays get produced around here. Oh god, it's such a fun time. Everybody gets so drunk. Oh, the times. The yelling from the back. The bitter, bitter losers. The sequined dresses at the all-night breakfast joint.
One guy, still to this day, tells everyone including the guy he lost to for best actor: "I was robbed"*, in the style of Old
Hollywood bitterness. Precious.

*edited to add: he's completely serious, too.

Best referral EVER.

My mousepad is disgusting.

I went to a barbeque last night. First of the season, hooray!! It was a really nice time. Then I got home at about 7 and took a nap that lasted until 6:30 this morning. Great nap. Nice dreams. Had clean clothes to put on. Had fun, new celebrity crush stuff to read to distract me from boring work. Pretty good for a crampy, rainy monday.
I did wake up thinking about moving to new york, missing my boyfriend even though he was sleeping six inches from my face. I showed him my loyalty and dedication my mashing my forehead into his upper arm and falling back to sleep.

Have I ever mentioned that I totally talk to myself? I got called on it at the gym the other day. Kristen said, "Are you going over a monologue or something?"
"what? oh, yeah."
I try not to, but it's hard.

That Harry Potter kid sure gets himself in a heap of trouble.

I did not get cast in either shakespeare show, which is fine. I hadn't expected to be cast anyway.

Some critics have said some lovely things about me in the papers, so that's good. Not as good as the last lime popsicle, but good nonetheless. I'm never sure what to do with that kind of attention.

So I'm thinking of coloring my hair, but I'm not sure how. Maybe blonde-red streaks? I am all talk aren't I?

I should shower. Or at least put on some pants. Something.