Random things that don't require more than 2 sentences:

Holidays cause uncomfortably corny and awkward behavior in adults. "Yeah. . . um. . . ha ha. You got me."

I laid on the couch for five hours yesterday, and had a handful of almonds for dinner. I'm not sure what that says about me, but it was pretty great.

If you like John Stewart, only watch the first half hour of The Faculty.

I have to dirty up my dress for my costume tonight, but I can't find a picture of Scary Samara Morgan after she climbs out of the tv. I can only find pictures of her looking semi-normal, in her freaky little girl way.

Yes, I'm going in costume to a party tomorrow night. I'm going as Samara Morgan. Spoooky!

I'm so glad I went to see Lewis Black. Seriously. Thintherely. There was a huge crowd, and everyone was just so intense. I kept hearing "I can't wait" "blahblahblah daily show!" "If it wasn't for my horse!" The whole night was a testament to how funny Lewis is, and also to how hungry people in my city are for funniness. Every time he took a breath, people burst into applause. I don't know, maybe the audiences act like that everywhere, but the crowd just seemed so cool and happy to be there. It's nice.
We need more funny here. People talked about opening a "Comedy Hall of Fame" here, but it just don't make no sense in a town where the only comedy is one improv group in the basement of a restaurant. I don't care how good they are.

So that's my review. I have a pounding headache.

Here are some things that are coming out that I really really want and can not afford:
ucb season one
Let America Laugh
Tenacious D Complete Master Works

There are quite a few others, but these are the big ones. Perhaps, if I'm a good girl, Santa will fashion them for me out of wood and red paint.

Sometimes I reread certain entires of mine and wonder what kind of puppy-and-kitty boy-band-loving freak I really am. (The good kind, I hope!) I really am looking forward to becoming bitter and cynical in my thirties. I bet it will be really fun!

Last night I eschewed Gilmore Girls and a documentary about Einstein's Theory of Everything ("is it comprehensive?") for The Great Pumpkin. Oh my god and baby jeezus, how did I not love this stuff when I was a kid? Linus is so damn cute I squealed with joy. Squealed! With joy!
Come on. The sincerest pumpkin patch? With a lisp? What was wrong with me back then?

In other news, can I say something to Britney Spears? It's ok to just firmly and politely tell Madonna to leave you alone. The next step is to seek legal action. (Straight chicks making out is not only transparent, but totally 1998, and you know it.) (wow! this is fun!)

I had great dreams last night. I won't bore you with them, but they were fun and silly and full of the boy I have a crush on. I woke up happy.

I'm going to see Lewis Black tonight. I hope it's fun. It's the last fun thing I can do before the holidays. I saw somewhere that Chris Rock is coming to UB in November and I really want to go to that, but I just can't spend $50 on a show right before Christmas. :( This is why I can't wait to move to NY. There are plenty of shows any day of the week for $7.

I got a sort of confirmation that I've been cast in another play. Another "it's an amazing piece but we have no budget and we're not working with an established theater and we'll be doing it in the back of a bookstore and can you wear your own clothes?" production. Works for me, though, because it's The Woolgatherer (Yeah, that's the best link I could find with the time I have), and I am kind of a sucker for that play. The director is pretty good and he's good at getting grants for his shows. So that's cool. She's a beautiful character. Not funny, for once. (Well, funny in an unusual way, like me.) (and not beautiful in any physical sense, like me also!)
Whatever. I suck. I'm not hot and blonde so this is what I get.
Shame spiral! Hop on! Whee!


Also too also: Prosciutto wrapped around fruit is kinda gross, but wrap it around some cream cheese and you've got yourself a party! A party I would go to!
*Addendum: Too much cream cheese. Chest pains to follow.

I love Bill Murray because he is consistently great. I love On the Media because I am a big nerd. I'm not too sure about Bright Eyes, but I think I might like them too.

Lost in Translation was so good. I just loved it. I can't even tell you why, so we'll just leave it at that.

I was dragged to Under the Tuscan Sun on Saturday by my friend's wife. Lovely scenery. We'll leave it at that.

I don't claim to be intelligent in any way. On an unrelated note, here are three things I did last night:
1. Set a wooden spoon on fire while making pasta. (what's that smell? Man, I wish I had a fireplace. Oh well, let's see what's on tv. . . )
2. Came way too close to getting run over by a car coming back from the store because I was all wrapped up in my own thoughts on the "just came back from a long time at sea" mustache. I got an admonishing honk. (like Wilford Brim-leh. . honk!)
3. Watched The Devil's Backbone alone in my empty, freezing apartment and fell asleep for the last five minutes, so I woke up to silence and a freaky zombie kid staring back at me from the dvd menu screen.
Ver-eh Scar-eh.

T-bone's sister got us tickets to see Lewis Black, so that's awesome. Except it isn't listed on his website, so I worry (not because I fear he won't show, but because I like to worry).

Yesterday I helped my brother write a bit for his show. So that means the horoscope came true. Exciting, isn't it? Like a huge, awesome coincidence! (But also deep down I kind of believe it, because I believe in fate and destiny and fairies and that my future is out of my control.) I gave him a couple of thin ideas that we fleshed out through email and I turned one into a sketch that he can't use, but I still love it like a shiny new puppy.

This day is the longest day ever. This day is a douchebag.

Just kidding, day. I like you. Please hurry up and end so I can go home.

"I'm not doing this for entertainment."
-David Blaine
"Agreed."
-Jon Stewart

During the second interjection by Senator Nettle, Bush quipped: "I love free speech". (Hecklers ordered out)
"But I'm actually being sarcastic! I hate free speech! Ear toss!"
Is it just me or is it presumptuous for people to get all "US Constitution" in countries that are not the US? Of course, I don't know from politics, just whatever they talk about on The West Wing.
A-yuk.

I just got a telemarketing call from a guy with the thickest highlander brogue I've ever heard and I now I wish I had never put my home number on that do-not-call list. That's how they'll get me. I don't care what you're selling Angus, I want it. In large quantities. And I want you to bring it to me.

Don't you find it ironical that love is all we need? I do. Very ironical.

Rejection builds character.
Writing a page of crap a day is probably better than nothing at all.
God don't make no trash.


I am trying to force myself not to post while vulnerable.
It's too hard.


Everything that hurts builds character.
What are these? Quatrains? Am I Nostrafuckingdamus?
See? I'm already over it.

I've already had mono twice, which is supposed to be impossible. How can I have it again? I'm not saying I do, but it sure feels like it. I almost didn't come in to work, but then I did. I am both "eager" and "dedicated". I am also "prompt" and "a real self-starter". (Quotes are to be read as "air quotes". Including those ones. And "these".)

msn.com horoscopes are always so completely bizarre and specific, but I guess if they do that enough eventually they'll hit the mark.
If you've been thinking about doing some writing, perhaps for film or television, sarah, today should be a good day to get started. You may find that your creative juices are flowing freely today, and your imagination is operating at a very high level. You might decide to work with a partner, and this may be a good idea. Sometimes the blend of two minds produces a work far greater than either could separately.

Also, I'd like everyone who reads this to comment and sign it "sarah", because I want to make it look like I'm having a conversation with myself.
{g}

Yes! Now I can commune with others who prefer them stale.

Why start a fanpage about a cnn anchor? Because it's hilarious. Why did I do a search? Because I wanted biographical information. I am nursing the weirdest crushes lately, like five at a time and all totally weird.
This "sexual peak" stuff is no myth. I'm like a seventeen-year-old boy up in here. I'm about to start learning the drums or skateboarding or something.
God. I'm not even thirty.

Truths:
You cannot get shredded cheese back in the bag without making a mess.
Billy Boyd's voice still works like kyptonite on me. But like good kryptonite. The kind that makes me weak and happy.

Half truths:
I am doing my very best and my heart is in everything I do.
I am using this blog as a journal an not a place to try out stupid jokes.

Big fat lies:
I think it's going really well.

It cannot be put into words how much I loathe LOATHE! when people refer to our current president as "Shrub". LOATHE!

I went to a grown up party on friday. It was really nice, even though I just pretty much talked to the three people I showed up with. There were martinis and fancy snacks and the tv wasn't on. I didn't sit down at all. It was pretty crazy. I guess that's what I consider a "grown up" party. Everyone there was my age or older, but I'm so used to having people over and getting hammered watching Smallville. Or just going to a friend's house and sitting in a circle while everyone else gets stoned.
The one thing I'll always regret is that I never learned to mingle.

Did anybody see Kaki King on conan? Is she not amazingly incomprehensibly amazing?

I'm wiped out. I'm probably going to be very, very sick tomorrow and for the rest of the winter.

Here's a story about a funny, funny joke.

Here's the general concept that came to me at the gym last night:
I have been thinking about buying a digital camera so I can photolog. Then I could take a picture of my lunch, and write underneath it, "And I'll take a picture of the toilet later!"

Now, that is really not all that funny, it's not even a joke, but it came to me in minute 45 (which felt like hour 7) on the eliptical, so I was a little exhausted and I get silly when I'm tired. The funny/sad part of it is: I was on the machine trying my best not to have a giggle fit and pretty much laughing out loud, in the middle of a group of sweaty strangers pretending there isn't a girl having a psychotic episode to their immidiate right and left, and of course right exactly then there's a news report about the ferry accident on the tv . Of course.
"No, seriously, I wasn't laughing at that! You guys! I was just thinking about taking a picture of the toilet!"

Yes, I'm that kid.

Let's get Hecu-busy!
If you are reading this and you are in the New York area, for the love of baby jebus go see Dr. Oddbody already. It's my brother's show and I've heard it is great. I wish I could see it.


"Clowns In The Playground" - You remember the old game "Operation" don't you? Honky the (dead) Clown does, and he's forcing Jonathan the camp counselor to play! Uh oh, butterfingers! You lose! I win - your soul!

I burned the roof of my mouth last night on cheese pizza. Why couldn't I stop after the first scalding bite? Why did I eat two more pieces after the first, painful one? Instead of allowing it to cool, as the directions suggest? Cause I'm dumb. And when I'm hungry I am very, very hungry. Now, even the coffee hurts.

I'm going to see Lewis Black. Awesome. Although, I don't have tickets yet, so maybe not so awesome.
I already have my tickets for Return of the King in December. I am doing the Trilogy Tuesday, which means I'm going to see Fellowship of the Ring at 2, Two Towers at 6, and Return of the King at 10.
Fucking-A, My friend. I'm taking a day off of work to see a movie. I rule.
They're almost sold out in places across the country except for Buffalo, which has sold to about half capacity. Whoops. We suck at lots of things.

I logged on to tell the world, simply:

Ancient Coast Cabernet, when purchased directly from a Lake Niagara Vintner, is the best fucking anything on earth. Oh Jesus. It was less than ten bucks*, I and I am ruined for red wine for the rest of my days.

I saw "Looking for Normal" tonight. What a truly lovely play. In the second act, a gruff, burly guy who looks just like my dad walks on stage in a dress, wig and heels, and nobody laughs. Because we're listening. Because we get it. Which is, like, the point. Of art. So it's just nice to see a show like that.

*that's not counting the $400 I dropped on the suite, ya'see. Bah. It seemed like such a good idea in August.

I am having a hard time justifying my existence lately. I kind of feel like I might get fired, or that I should. Or that I'm ready to go maybe. Yeah, that's more like it. But I have to wait until February. I feel embarassed here. I like the place and the people, but I'm very embarassed of myself. It makes no sense, but it's true. That shit ain't even right.

I'd like to get a job at a grocery store or something to make extra dough. It's not like I do anything on Saturdays and Sundays anyway.

Ok. I'm going to buy myself a cd and a tshirt and an elaborate lunch and I'll feel better.

I haven't seen my best friend since August. She's coming home today for two days. Woohoo! I want her to pack me into a big box and take me back with her.

I fell asleep at 9:30 last night. I rule! I think that's from working out. It doesn't make me any stronger or healthier or more attractive, but it does help me pass out after my shower. Also, I had to really run to make the subway, and I actually made it. So that's a first. Little things make me happy.

This weekend I learned it is possible to make General Tso's Chicken that actually tastes really good; with just a wok, some corn starch and iron chef cooking sauce.

And no, I'm not being paid to say that.

I also watched My Favorite Year last night. Remember way back when, when sexual harassment, stalking and alcoholism were hilariously romantic? When Mark Linn-Baker was an acceptable substitute for Gene Wilder? Remember that year? That year was my favorite.

This weekend I saw three plays and a movie. Now that's livin'!
I also watched Darkness Falls. Which makes me say three words: "fuck" and "you" and "movie".

I got accused of being part of a clique last night. The fuck? (Yeah, we call ourselves The Wildcats.) I went to an all-girls high school, I've had enough of that concept to last me two lifetimes, and yet here is a man in his late thirties "joking" about how he can't talk to me because he's not part of "the clique". Gross.
C'mere, I'll fucking talk to you.

How much of a waste of time would it be for me to learn to play the banjo? Ever since I started thinking about it, I can't stop. They're so pretty. When I buy one I just have to make sure my freakishly small hands actually fit around the neck. Is there room for banjos in indie rock?

I wrote five pages and I'm exhausted and I hate every word of it. I wish I was good at something.

There was nothing in my life bigger than beer. Me too, Mr. The Who.

"I have been known to fuck shit up on the dance floor. One time, I shouldn't be telling you this, I fucked the dance floor. (Todd, did you just say?) Yes. "

Last night some friends of mine were talking about going somewhere for a lady's birthday party.

One Guy: (sarcastically) You know, that's one of those queer bars.
My BF: Oh, well, I'll wear 2 pairs of underwear then.

I don't know what it means, but I laughed for a day.

My favorite thing to do at work, other than water my plant, is order trace paper.
Because then I get to say:
"I'd like twelve inches, in the buff."

key-hee.

A guy walked through a plate glass window a few feet away from me today. So that was weird. He's fine, we've already had the glass replaced. It really makes you think about the fragility of glass.

A friend of mine just quit her desk job to work as a barista. I envy.