S-o-f, t-p-y, r-a-m, i-d-s*

Stone Phillips came to the play on Friday, so that was weird.
I lost four pounds this week, so that's suprising.
I am going to see my brother's student show after work, so that's cool.
I've only gone to the ucb once since I moved here. The other night, all of my dreams for the entire night took place at the ucb. That's weird of me.

God, my hair smells good. Hey, you, come over here and smell my hair.

I saw Elephant Larry on Saturday. If there were such a thing as an adorable contest they would win in a five-way tie. I went by myself, because the people I usually hang out with were in shows themselves or out of town and I have not the balls to invite people. The guys in line in front of me chatted me up while we were waiting, and I got the standard, "are you an actress?" "yes." "I can tell". What does that mean? How can you 'tell'? Why does everybody say that?

*It's from a song. I'm not crazy.

by no means comprehensive

This is a list of things I like about people I know.


I like your pants.
I like that you put stickers on things.
I like that you like good music, but you're not snotty about it.
I like that you are patient with me.
I like that you hugged me even though you barely knew me.
I like the way you leaned over me to see around the corner, instead of going around me.
I like that you're laid back about money.
I like that you look at me and smile while I talk.
I like that you congratulated me on something small, long after others had forgotten.
I like that you took the time to explain something to me.
I like that you offered me your bong, even though I don't really do that.
I like that you say it's looks like I'm losing weight, especially when I'm not.
I like that you didn't care about the rules that time we played a board game.
I like that you recommended me for something huge.
I like that you emailed me out of the blue.
I like that you have high standards for comedy, but you're not above the sillyness.
I like that you like the girls with the boom and much junk.
I like that you took the time to show you remembered who I was.
I like that you drove me wherever, whenever, the year before I moved and that we finally got to talk.
I like that you love your job.
I like the way you write, and I love that you don't know how good you are.
I like that we were friends immediately.
I like that every time I call you, we talk for an hour, and you hit on me hardcore.
I like that you are a heart with legs.
I like that you taught yourself something.
I like that you got me over my fear of spiders.
I like that you took me for a walk in the woods.
I like that you acted out your favorite little house on the prairie for me.
I like that you taught me to let things hit me, blow off the small stuff, and breathe.
I like that you are so passionate about something so easily mockable.
I like that you opened up about something uncomfortable.
I really like that you were patient with me.
I like that you let me hang out with you and your friends when I was a little dork.
I like that you made me copious cds.
I like that you danced that one time.
I like that you found this page.
I like that you expect bigger things from me than I do.

Fast and Dirty

I'm going to Kiev East in the village for dinner. It's my favorite restaurant in the city.

We looked at apartments today. I'm struggling with some things that I really ought to be certain about, we'll just say that. I've been spoiled by being alone for so long.

The play the upright citizens brigade on comedy central from 2-3. That owns.

Who loves you? I do!!

One flew east, One flew west

This is weird, having the bf here, in my town. With me. All real and shit. It's all different, like walking with two feet in one shoe; and of course it's all the same. He rolls his eyes when I try to tell him anything, like how the subway works. He still tries to kick me out of bed fifteen minutes early for no reason. His first night here I went to get a drink of water and I magicially found a way to trip over the xbox controller. Just like the good old days.

I feel just a little off balance. I'm overwhelmed at how happy I am to be near him again. Just seeing him last night was like fireworks and explosions and sparks and electricity and all of those dangerous things you feel around someone you love. I am a little sad though, because I can sense my experiment in independence coming to an end. Part of me liked being on my own.

This all means that I am taking the next three days off, you see. And that rules, very hard. So maybe no updates, but maybe yes.
and I'll keep the lovey dovey shit to a minimum.

What I got you got to get it put it in you

I sang that song to my bank. Then I deposited a check! Double entendre! With money! High five!

I just drank a third of a frozen cappuccino that one of the IT guys picked up for me. I'm sick to my stomach. It was good for a minute, though. Now I hate myself again. All that crap about "refusing to have a negative body image" is bullshit. All that stuff about the IT guys being sweet as hell is totally true.

I'm really lonely at the office, man. There is no one to talk to, except for one of the other admin assistants from another floor, who I only see when he needs to make copies. His dog has ear cancer. It's pretty sad. I guess it's better than having people in my face all day though, right? (the situation, not the ear cancer)

Another reason to love myself: I got teryaki sauce, watermelon juice and peach juice on my pretty white teeshirt. So, I cut the tag out and turned the shirt around, and then put a trader jacket over it. Inventive! And tasty! Now I look like Jo from Facts of Life. Hot!

Can I say I like the Divine Comedy if I only like three songs and kind of despise the rest of the album? What if I like those songs a whole boatload? I guess technically, I can say I like anything I want to like. It is my right, as a poser.

I am stumped. I can't find the song "Un Petit Air" anywhere, I think it's by a band called "calcutta". I need to buy the cd or at least find out what the lyrics are. It's in french. I have it on the house music cd from the last play I was in. It's a good song, I just want to know what it means. It's not on amazon, so I'm immediately lost.

I spent an embarassingly long time reading back articles on this site today, so I thought I'd share.

Two brothers who work in my office are going to Athens tonight. Awesome.

I start rehearsals next wednesday. squee.

I'm all over the map aujourd'hui. This entire entry should be in parenthesis.

Tomorrow belongs to me

A weird weekend entry from the neighborhood lab. Nice.
I saw Jesus and Mandy last night. That was pretty funy. Afterwards I went to meet my brother and amy after their show at Gotham, and there was a group there expecting to see a show at ten that they had read about in the Onion. And since there was no show, and a group (a "cache" if you will) of improvisers just hanging out in the lobby, we were asked to do a set. I did a really bad job. I was cold or whatever, it just wasn't so good. But everyone else was good and warm and made up for my suckage. The people enjoyed themselves, which is the point.

I have to clean up the apartment today for a special visitor. Yay. I feel a little weird actually. We have to get to know each other all over again. Everything is great, of course, and a little strained and there's a lot of pressure and blah blah.

Developments this weekend:
1. I always thought I could hold my own in a geeky conversation. I really can't.
2. I believe the things that most women do to be enticing are in fact, repellant. Whores* are gross and creepy.
3. I'm back to the point where I can get into a workout and not want to get off the machine, ever.
4. Crushes are still great.

I think I made it up. But, whatever.

*harsh much? Geez.

Blood Makes Noise

Last night I saw Suzanne Vega in Central Park. I'm not a huge fan, but I like her well enough to see her live. I almost didn't go, because I've I have been acting like a poopypants lately and I just wanted to go home last night and be sad. I'm really glad I went, though. Teitur did a few songs to start the show, and he alone was worth the price of admission. He sang these beautiful, delicate songs. Better than fucking Coldplay or John Mayer or whatever other bullshit makes the large dollars. There was a moment during one of his songs that I actually felt myself unwind.
I can't believe I forgot my phone. Our seats were amazing, I would have had such great pictures to share.

I am so looking forward to next week. I'm looking forward to rememebering what it's like to be half of a couple, to not be alone in bed at night, and to have three days off of work in a row to be a bum with the bf. I can't wait to see Todd's show, and I have three other fringe shows that I'm going to see because I know people in them. I don't know why I'm so negative all the time. Good things happen eventually.

I had avoided an old crush for as long as I could, but you know what? I'm just happier when I let myself daydream about a cute boy. It hurts no one, is my point.

Um, so . . yeah. Any questions?

Time for some Radiohead

I'm really depressed. It's so dumb. I need to snap out of it.
I feel really bad lately because Todd has to leave his band to move here with me, and his band has become this big thing and everybody is pissed off and broken up about it. I didn't realize how many people I'd be hurting by making myself happy, and because of that I'm no longer happy. It's so dumb and circular and it's too late to change anything. Hating myself doesn't really serve any purpose, and yet I insist on doing it.

Last night we got rained out of bryant park, so we decided to pass on the movie. I bought some picnic food knowing fully that anything I'm prepared for won't happen. It was nice, though. I went home and ate it myself. I had tomato and mozzarella salad and fruit with a turtle brownie for dessert. I think June and I are going to see Suzanne Vega in central park tonight, if everything works out. It's not something I would normally think of doing, but part of why I moved here is to do things I couldn't do anywhere else. This all hangs on whether or not I actually get ahold of her, since I left my phone at home, of course. If I didn't go out, I'd just go home and watch tv and not sleep and stew in self-loathing. By the way, I'm not sleeping anymore. It's my new thing. I just lie there and yell at myself. All the hipsters will be doing it. Just watch.

Oh my god, I was wrong!/ it was earth all along!

I saw that Harold and Kumar movie. I laughed. Sorry! I'm a 13-year-old boy made out of grown-up girl parts, and there's nothing wrong with that. Plus, it's a better movie than you'd think. Plus: it's a movie!

I was going to go see Planet of the Apes tonight at Bryant Park, but that plan is now plagued with problems, mainly the rain and resulting moisture. Also, in a less tangible way, Tracey will be so pissed off at me* if I go without her. I wouldn't blame her if she was, which she probably wouldn't be since she's a grownup. If I had something I've been looking forward to all summer and never got to go, and then she went without me, I would be hurt. Also, I was ready to blow it off, but I'm sticking in there because I think June still wants to go. But maybe she's just sticking in there because she thinks I still want to go. My life is such a sitcom! Shrug!!

Living alone this week is kind of awesome, but I'm seeing the downside. I'll admit, I'm a little bit scared. Plus, when no one is going to come home and see me, I don't really do much at all. I try to convince myself going to the gym absolves me from the sin of sloth, but not so much.

I knew I saw Patton Oswalt in the trailer for Blade 3. So there! And! An Aleister Arcane film is in the works! Geek!


*See how I keep using that phrase? What does that say about our relationship? I keep putting that on her, that I need to please her. She's really nice and cool and supportive, and I make her out to be a demanding ogre. Recognizing your problem is the first step! Hope you're not reading this!

Looking for patterns in the static

Here's basically what I tried to say yesterday, but got deleted twice:

-I saw Napoleon Dynamite
-I slept over at my brother's place and finally saw his beer commercial.
-I am Girlzilla.
-I can sleep anywhere except in a bed at night.
-There is a woman who is obsessed with my boyfriend, who has gone so far as to make a picture of him her buddy icon, which would be cute if she were twelve, but is creepy since she is old enough to have teenaged sons. I'm not saying older people can't crush, but we all need to be mature and respectful once we've passed the age of oh, say, forty. It's a whole deal that I can't go into now.

So now we're all caught up.

Last night I went to see two improv groups at the pit with June. It was awesome. God, they're all so good. I wish they had more time. I think the first group only did a half an hour, I could have watched a lot more than that. They are my favorite. Afterwards I had to register for my next class and we tried to talk to some of the actors, but I always feel weird about that. I know I've been on both sides of it but I still feel awkward. Like, "Hi, I love you. You so don't care. See ya later." Anyway, enough gushing.
June and I bumped into a lady there who was in our sc class, but only came to the first session. Lady was Krazee. Crazy with a Kapital K. She gave us a whole story about her pulmonary embolisms and turkey sandwiches and that she has to eat rat poison and she's a psychic/novelist/feng shui designer and she wants to start a group with us. She forced us to give her our email and phone numbers so we could all get together. Nutcase. And we did, because we're nice. I fudged a number, because I'm nice but also a little bit of a dick. We ran out without talking to Kevin or anybody in the other group because we just really needed to be away from that situation.

We get g4techtv now. Techtv has gotten all shittified since g4 took over, but they still have xplay. I am the only one who cares. That's ok.

AND!
Tracey is out of town shooting a movie, so I have the apartment to myself for two weeks. She's letting me sleep in her bedski. All I can think about right now is how perfect and wonderful it's going to be when I get home from work tonight. I have french bread pizza, left over corona from my birthday party, g4techtv and a real bed to sleep in. Somewhere in the middle there I'm going to work out, which is a good thing. Little things make me happy.

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It's a sparkly!

I got Transatlanticism for my b-day from my brother Jay. Before I went to bed I spent about a half an hour crying in the dark listening to the title track, then I got up and got out all my cds and pulled a most-of-the-nighter. (Does the cover of that album remind anyone else of The Secret of NIMH, when the Dom Deluise bird was trying to make a love nest? Just me?) So I went on a quest for my favorite love songs, and when I pulled out some cds I noticed there was a huge bug on my chest. Well, that kind of ruined the mood. I stayed up listening to songs on repeat anyway.
The list:

1. Deathcab for Cutie- Transatlanticism
2. (That Shins song they used in Garden state, track 6 on "oh, inverted world". I forget what it's called.)
3. I am the cancer- Sloan
4. Deathly- Aimee Mann
5. Both Hands- Ani Difranco
6. Cubs in Five- the Mountain Goats
7. Going to Utrect- the Mountain Goats
8. Untouchable Face- Ani DiFranco
9. (last track on A Secret History, I think it's called tonight we fly)-The Divine Comedy
10. Feelin' Love- (from the City of Angels soundtrack. by some sassy mama.)

I did the best I could with what I had fumbling around in the dark. Yeah, I still listen to cds, because I'm old skool.
You can tell I was feeling better by the end.

I looked at one apartment last night. It was pretty bad. Tracey bought me Thai food. It was pretty dang good.

*Edited to add- my definition of "love song" is pretty vague.

I do it for the joy it brings, because I'm a joyful girl.

I'm looking at apartments. I haven't had to do this since the early nineties, that's how lame I am. I don't know what I'm doing. Can't someone just take me to three places and let me pick one? I'm going to screw this up. Just watch.

Anyway. Nothing going on right now, which means I'm working out and cleaning up after myself. This job is so pointless. I'm glad I don't have anything to do, but I wish I had something to do. Know what I mean? Like tetris, or a puzzle or one of those surveys. There are games on this computer. I guess I could play minesweeper or something. I forgot to fill out my timesheet last week. I have three things that I do here: 1. answer phones 2. sort mail 3. get paid for it. And I CAN'T! DO IT! RIGHT!!!

now, a poem:

untitled

Orange drink is the bomb.
I think guys with premature hair loss are hot.
It's been three o'clock forever.
I'm lonely as fuck right now.
All I want to do is eat.
At least I'm not a smoker.
Little girl lip balm is shitty.
Fix me.

You don't go to see comedy to think? Where do you go to think? I'll meet you there.
-Bill Hicks

I am a lucky girl. I had an amazing birthday party, and suprise of suprises, people came! Everybody was funny, everybody got along. We laughed our asses off. (Mine grew back immediately.) I got some great presents. I got smelly bath stuff, a book called The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency, Mick Napier's Improvise, and Steve Niles' adaptation of I Am Legend, which I am technically not cool enough to read. I got flowers from three different people as well, lovely! And an IRC Birthday thread! Nyerd!

Saturday I had another date with myself. My brother and I went to see Open Water, which I wouldn't recommend, unfortunately. Then he went to do his show and I stayed and saw Garden State. I loved Garden State. It broke my heart. I've been feeling so far from home these days and it was exactly what I needed. Of course, your mileage may vary, but seriously, how much did I love Zach Braff already? A lot. He's a great writer and a great director. We'll leave it at that.

(Blogger keeps telling me my session has expired, but it still has my posts? Because it takes time to craft these wonderfully worded insightful and witty essays? The fuck? Fer reals.)

what the who-what?

"Your half-assed overparenting is even scarier than your half-assed underparenting."
"Aw. But I was using my whole ass."

That neutrogena pore cleanser/mask stuff is great, but it instantly bleaches the shit out of everything it touches, like your towels. Whoops. I ruined two hand towels and one bath towel before I figured out what it was.

It's my turn to get a year older. Yay. Tracey put up decorations around the apartment while I slept. Daw! I called my mom this morning to wish her a "happy giving birth for a fourth time anniversary", because she's the cutest and I'm just her daughter.

I got a substantial birthday check from todd's parents. I'm in a quandry. Do I cash it? Is that the kind of thing that people send back? Is it rude to keep it? Is it rude not to? I guess depending on your situation it's not that big of a check, but it is to me. Oh man, this is becoming more and more like a reverse advice column every day.

Buy the Funkeymonkeys cd. Cuz they're good guys and stuff.

All right?
YAAAAAY!
Good.
Right, a'here we go.

This is addictive. I can't stop sending them pictures.

Hi. I hate everything.

Not true. But kind of. I'm in that kind of mood. The only thing I like right now is leoville town square, the g4techtv forums and cold water. I'm a thirsty nerd. I don't even know what they're talking about over there. Tech talk and people complaining about the g-phoria awards being "rigged" is just kind of soothing.

I gave my brother his domain name for his birthday. Now he can make a real (non-geocities) site for his shows n'such.

What if no one comes to my birthday party? Will that be the saddest, awesomest, most pathetic, funnest story to tell, ever? Yes. Will I ever feel like I'm not in the sixth grade anymore? No.

If I take the improv to sketch class and I do Dr. Oddbody in october I'll have two shows in the fall. I am looking forward to that very much. In fact, I wish the fall was now.

Do you know how to convert a .bmp to a .jpg? Me neither. I have a bunch of pictures that I can't do anything with until I figure it out. Ironically, hanging out at the techy forums isn't helping.


Mowkay.

I'm the gin in the gin-soaked boy.

Not nearly as many bored cops hanging around my building today.
Speaking of bored, I am looking forward to starting classes again. What will I do with my evenings once I know everything? Apply it to something? Pssht. Whatevs. I like learning.

I liked The Village. I saw it coming and still liked it. I didn't want to like Ron Howard's daughter, but she was good. So screw her and her red hair and good fortune and rich daddy. I like scary things.

Tonight: going out for my brother's birthday. His particular gift from me is going to have to be well-timed. I hope people I know will be there. I like having fun.

I've been spending a lot of time walking around the city with a pretty, pretty lady, and I've come to some conclusions about how the other half lives. When you're a model, random guys suck in their guts and smile and make cute, fakey comments at you as you walk by. When you are not, mostly they'll just look at you with disdain and burp. I'm not complaining, there's something kind of lovely and beautiful about knowing that people don't worry about being themselves around me. I'm making assumptions and generalizations based on observations colored by my low self-esteem, but it's something I've noticed and I say it's as close to a fact as I can get. The thing is, you find out the same way that not all guys are jerks. That much I know is true. I like finding the silver lining.

I hope no one reading this who hasn't met me thinks I'm hideous. I'm not a beast, but I have low self-esteem and also, you know. Stuff. I like being vague.

Look at these homies dogging my girl. Why do they gotta front?

Did you ever eat dog biscuits? Because I did. When I was five or something, my brother and I ate a dog biscuit and when we didn't die we kept doing it. Anyway, sourdough pretzels taste just like dog biscuits. I think there are maybe two in a bag (one whole, one chunked up) but I'm still totally full from it. I found a way to not feel as guilty about raiding the vending machine everyday. I only get fruit for lunch. Oh, that's bad. Tracey would be so pissed at me. (not pissed, "disappointed".) Add that to the growing list of things we don't tell her. :)

So bloaty. So grody. Three days until my birthday.

random:
I'm going to see The Village tonight. I already heard it was bad, I'm not letting that stop me. It's a thing that I do.

To Kill a Mockingbird is really good. Why was I never assigned it in school?

I was talking to Todd the other day and we decided that when you don't watch television you can't participate in about 35% of the conversations that happen around you. There's a lot more "Did you see that one commercial?" or "who do you think will win suchandsuch reality contest show?" than I thought. Not that I don't ever watch tv, but a lot less than I ever did before. And Todd has no tv at all, poor fella.

This entire entry sucks. It started off poorly and then I fell asleep from boredom before I got to the end. No heart, no soul! No viva la vive! No Bon Chance!! Pas de beefteck! Dulce de leche!
Well, at least if you are at work and as bored and lonely as I am you now have something to read on internet. It's new content, it can't all be piping hot. Now, I'm hungry. Who has change for a dollar?

She had a birthmark/shaped like a staple

This morning on the train, the operator forgot to turn on the lights inside the cars, so I sat patiently (a fresh new yorker) with my book open in my lap and my teeth clenched until we got to the first stop underground. I'll admit to being tense. I own that. Then when I got in to work, my computer wouldn't turn on because the button was jammed. Some real panic, right there.

I had a great weekend. Friday night I went out to dinner and saw Elephant Larry with adamandamy. Awesome and perfect and adorable and worth the month I had to wait to see a full show. Then I went home, had the house to myself, so I watched tv until late and then slept in Tracey's bed. (a. she won't care, b. I've been sleeping on the couch for the past two weeks, and probably will until my bed moves down here in September. The one I bought when I moved here phucks up my back if I lie in it more than ten seconds. I deserve one night of rest, right? Also, I know she won't care. Ok, look, we just won't tell her. All right? Ok?)

Saturday I saw Ju-on: The Grudge, which was a lot like The Ring, with super scary grey people and creepy children. I love japanese horror. I want moremoremore. I also saw Farenheit 9/11, which was amazing. Everyone needs to see that movie. I had to sit in the second row because I walked in just in time (I had to get a cherry icee . . . a cherry icee of american justice! and pretzel bites!), and the place was wall to wall people. I had to go by myself, which is fine because it's not like you sit and talk during the movie anyway. I went out with some people after and for a few hours. It was nice. Of course, after getting all freaked out by the movie and being home alone late at night, I decided to stay up until five am watching The Prince of Darkness, the scariest american movie ever made. Because what am I? A jackass.

Last night I went to the pit to see Jen Nails show before she takes it to Scotland. She is the best. I loved that it was still packed on the weekend of the dcm. I loved that I knew a lot of people there, and I loved that I kind of loved the people there that I knew. That's a little heartwarming smooch from me to you. Not that you were there, or maybe you were. Anyway.